


Champions of the Just

by GothicPrincessWitch



Series: Fenris Appreciation Month 2k17 [6]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Alcohol, All That Remains (quest), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Chant of Light, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Referenced past slavery, Templar AU, act two, breakup angst, so much pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-24 09:21:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13210731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GothicPrincessWitch/pseuds/GothicPrincessWitch
Summary: After breaking up with Hawke during their ill-fated passionate night together, Fenris needs some distance and joins the Templar Order. Though it takes time to adjust, he finds a place for himself among the Templars, although he can't help but wonder if he made the right decision in leaving Hawke.





	Champions of the Just

**Author's Note:**

> This self-indulgent fic combines my two Dragon Age loves: Fenris and the Templar Order! 
> 
> For Day 30 of Fenris Appreciation Month. 
> 
> Lots of love to my wonderful friends and supporters, namely sunlian, 9lunarseas6, The-Tevinter-Biscuit, archdemonblood, hennigreygoose, everyone in the Champions of the Just chat really, and as always, theoxfordcommando.

_Blessed are they who stand before_  
_The Corrupt and the Wicked and do not falter._  
_Blessed are the Peacekeepers, the Champions of the Just._  
-Benedictions 4:10

The imposing statues at the Gallows are familiar to Fenris. The image of the collared, shackled slave wailing in anguish is a common one throughout the Imperium. Fenris saw statues like these every day in Minrathous, meant to remind slaves of their place. As he looks up at the columns of statues lining the courtyard, Fenris can almost feel the phantom weight of his old collar, and he struggles to contain the flurry of panic in his chest that accompanies it.

He is not a slave anymore, and he is here by choice.

His life is his own now, and he is free to decide what to do with his, and that includes devoting himself to a higher purpose. Once, Fenris had only one purpose which encompassed every aspect of his life, and that was serving and pleasing his master. Then his focus shifted only to escape, to outrunning the hunters, but here in Kirkwall he'd started to build something for himself. He'd almost had something more, something with Hawke, but... But it wasn't meant to be.

So now he is here, part of the Templar Order.

It is uncommon for an elf to join the Order, but not forbidden. Regardless, Fenris is no ordinary recruit.

He'd gone straight to Knight-Captain Cullen to request his enlistment. Although he has never know the Knight-Captain very well, Cullen has been a friend of Hawke's for the last three years, so Cullen was sympathetic and willing to listen to him when he tried explaining why he'd come. Fenris left out the sordid details, but he described the basics of his past and abilities and that he would be safer in the Gallows, for Danarius would never be so foolish as to pursue him into one of the most restricted Templar strongholds in Southern Thedas.

There is an unspoken understanding between Fenris and Cullen. Both bear the scars of being caged and tortured by mages. Both know that those scars will never truly fade.

Much of the recruitment training is practically laughable. The other recuits grumble about its grueling intensity, but Fenris endured far worse for Danarius's harsh training.

The challenges of Templar training, for Fenris, are adjusting to the new armor and weapons. The standard Templar armor is heavier than he is used to. Back in Tevinter, he was made to wear revealing leather armor meant to display his markings, and during his escape, he'd chosen his medium leather and steel armor in order to cover most of his lyrium, with spikes to keep others at a distance, so that no one could ever touch him again without his consent. He'd selected his greatsword for the same purpose, and that had meant something to him, that he had chosen them for himself. But he's made a new choice now.

Fenris is proficient with most forms of weaponry, but he's a bit out of practice wielding a shield. Soon, though, the old forms come to him easily and almost instinctually, and he far outclasses his fellow recruits.

Following orders from his superiors is effortless, and it makes him uneasy to realize how easy it is for him to fall back into that role of obedience. He draws comfort from the constant reminder that this was his decision, that he wanted this, and that no mage will ever touch him again.

There is one order he does disobey, however, and his commanding lieutenant is displeased with his deviation from standard uniform. Fenris refuses to remove the red silk favor upon his wrist, and he goes to Cullen, looks him straight in the eye, and says, "It's important."

Cullen allows the favor to remain.

=====

The barracks are a much more difficult adjustment for Fenris than he'd anticipated.

He is not used to sleeping in the same room as a group of people. It feels claustrophobic somehow. In Tevinter, Fenris was kept isolated from the other slaves so as to be even more dependent upon Danarius, and he slept in Danarius's quarters in order to be better able to readily attend to his master's needs.

Then with the Fog Warriors, he'd been given his own tent, and that privacy had been a hitherto unknown blessing and something he's clung to ever since. Of course, there have been times in recent years when he's accompanied Hawke to Sundermount and to the Wounded Coast and they've shared a tent at camp, but sleeping beside Hawke has always felt so different, so unique and thrilling and unexpectedly safe.

Stop. No sense lingering on that line of thought.

That part of his life is over. He's relinquished any chance of sleeping beside (or with) Hawke ever again.

He will become used to this in time, Fenris tells himself, as he turns his back to the other recruits and changes out of his uniform and into his nightclothes. He can still feel their curious eyes on his markings, and it makes his skin crawl. Suppressing a sudder, he reties the favor around his wrist and climbs into his bunk, where the Amell crest is carefully hidden under his pillow.

Fenris is a fool, and he knows it full well.

=====

Sebastian is the first to come visit Fenris at the Gallows.

"It's good to see you, my friend," Sebastian greets him warmly, with an earnest smile gracing his handsome face.

Fenris is nearly overwhelmed with unexpected relief upon seeing his friend. He hadn't realized how much he misses the people he cares about until now.

Sebastian compliments how well Fenris looks in the Templar armor and asks polite questions about how Fenris is settling in. The conversation is a balm for an ache in his heart that Fenris didn't know he'd had, and Fenris finds himself smiling for the first time since before he and Hawke had-- since before everything had fallen apart.

Fenris inquires after their other friends, and he knows he shouldn't, but he can't help himself in asking, "And how is Hawke?"

Immediately Fenris regrets it, lowering his eyes. His cheeks are tinged pink with shame.

With a sympathetic expression and a gentle tone of voice, Sebastian responds, "He misses you dearly."

"I don't want him to miss me," says Fenris, but it's a lie, and they both know it. Softly and truthfully he continues, "I never wanted to hurt him."

"He knows that, but it doesn't stop him from missing you."

Fenris closes his eyes, knowing he doesn't deserve the kindness in Sebastian's bright blue eyes. Nor does he deserve Hawke's continued affection. In a small voice he hesitantly asks, "Could you tell him that I'd like to see him if he so wishes?"

"I shall." Sebastian nods. "I've missed ye greatly as well, my friend."

=====

When Fenris glimpses Hawke in the Gallows courtyard, he tells himself that Hawke must be here to see Cullen or perhaps to meet with Solivitus, but certainly not for him.

But then Hawke spots him and, golden brown eyes lighting up, rushes over to him.

"Hawke," says Fenris, straining to keep his voice as even and guarded as possible, though his heart is racing and he's struck by all the feelings he's tried to hold back.

"Hello, love-- I mean Fenris. Hello, Fenris. Hey, Fenris. Hello. Hi." Hawke's face is as red as the kaddis painted across his nose as he tries to cover up old epithet that slipped out, the epithet that makes Fenris's heart ache with longing to hear.

"Hawke," Fenris repeats, silently and desparately praying to the Maker that Hawke will not mention the favor he is now staring at.

Hawke musters one of his cavalier grins. "You look well. The new look suits you."

"I'm certain Varric would say that I look less brooding," Fenris deadpans, the ghost of a smile on his lips. "You look quite well yourself."

"Quite well? Am I still the most handsome man in Kirkwall, or has Cullen now caught your eye?" teases Hawke.

"You don't nee me to flatter you with the obvious," says Fenris with a soft chuckle, and then suddenly he feels ashamed.

It would be so easy and natural to fall back into their old banter and all the flirting that comes with it, so easy to go right back to where they were, but Fenris cannot have that, so he has to put a stop to this.

"I have training I must attend to, so I will bid you good day, but thank you for seeing me." Fenris inclines his head politely and tries to ignore the way his heart shatters at the hurt in Hawke's eyes.

But Hawke merely keeps the charming grin plastered across his face and replies, "Don't let me keep you."

Fenris murmurs his goodbyes and hurries away, striving with all his willpower not to think about running back to Hawke and asking him to take him back. He does not ask Hawke to come see him again. The lingering feelings between them, the unspoken tension of what might have been, it all hurts too much. And Fenris isn't ready. He isn't whole. He's too broken, too ruined, too much of a coward to be with Hawke, and Hawke deserves better no matter how much Fenris loves him.

He turns back to watch Hawke leave, only to find Hawke still watching him with so much longing in his eyes.

=====

_In the long hours of the night_  
_When hope has abandoned me,_  
_I will see the stars and know_  
_Your Light remains._

Fenris struggles to read these words of the Canticle of Trials in the tome of the Chant of Light before him. The candlelight is too dim, and he broke off his reading lessons when he left Hawke, but it's more than that...

He takes another deep breath and tries to calm himself down, but he's shaking so badly that the book falls from his fingers and crashes to the floor. He flinches, instinctively expecting immediate punishment, and that automatic response just makes everything feel worse.

To receive full knighthood as a Templar of the Order, Fenris must undergo an all night vigil, so he is here, secluded and kneeling, in a side chapel at the Chantry cathedral in Hightown.

Fenris is very experienced in kneeling for extended periods of time, and well, therein lies the crux of the problem. Being on his knees has only negative connotations for him, bringing back unwanted memories of pain and humiliation. He keeps expecting to feel Danarius's hands grasping his hair, and he tries to choke back the panic.

He can do this. He can endure this. He chose this. He has to go through with it. He has to!

The chapel door opens, startling Fenris, and he looks up to see Sebastian enter. Sebastian is out of his usual armor, garbed in Chantry robes instead, and he looks softer, younger, illuminated in the candlelight.

Sebastian kneels down beside Fenris. "Good evening, my friend. I thought you could use some company."

Fenris's face and pointed ears are flushed red, ashamed that Sebastian glimpsed this part of him, so vulnerable and scared and broken. How could he not think less of Fenris now?

But Fenris doesn't say that aloud. Instead he keeps his eyes lowered and says dryly, "I doubt that would be considered acceptable to the other Templars."

Sebastian smiles, amiable as ever, and replies, "The vigil is meant to be a test of devotion, faith, and loyalty. You are the most loyal person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, and they'd be fools not to recognize that."

Fenris returns a weak smile at that. Already the tightness in his chest is lessening a little.

"Besides, I live in this building, and it's my duty to the Maker to attend to those who come here in need. They cannot object to that," says Sebastian. He picks the fallen tome off the floor and reads aloud from the Canticle of Trials.

_"I am not alone. Even_  
_As I stumble on the path_  
_With my eyes closed, yet I see_  
_The Light is here._

"A very comforting verse, I've always thought," is Sebastian's commentary.

"It is," murmurs Fenris.

"Perhaps this might also be comforting," says Sebastian, drawing a flask from his pocket.

Fenris scoffs in disbelief. "I highly doubt that would be considered acceptable for this vigil either!"

"Then we'll keep it a secret between friends." Sebastian grins and gives him a roguish wink before offering Fenris a sip of the liquor, which Fenris accepts gratefully.

Sebastian stays with Fenris all through the vigil, and Fenris is able to make it through to the end without succumbing to his panic.

=====

He has a title now, as a Knight Templar. Ser Fenris. He wonders if that would make Hawke laugh. He wonders if with this title he'll stop feeling lesser than Hawke. He wonders if he made the right choice.

=====

Fenris does not need to intake lyrium for the Templar abilities. He can channel the lyrium of his markings. It takes training and discipline, neither of which Fenris is a stranger to, but soon his own Cleanses, Silences, and Holy Smites are more powerful than that of any other Templar in the Gallows.

It hurts, the way the lyrium has always hurt, but the pain is worth it to claim the markings as his own and use them in a manner of which Danarius would despise. Fenris reminds himself of the promise he'd made after Hadriana's death that no mage would ever touch him again. These new skills will only ensure he can keep this promise.

It isn't easy, though, to be near so many mages in the Circle. Their magic makes his markings prickle uncomfortably at times, but that's easier to bear than the way they stare openly at his lyrium. The First Enchanter in particular has a conniving gleam in his eyes that Fenris does not trust.

Fenris recalls a conversation he once had with Bethany Hawke years ago, when he'd told her that she belonged in the Circle and would be safer and better off here. He wishes very much that she had come to the Circle. If so, that sweet girl would have been spared an unfortunate death in the Deep Roads, and he would find a friendly face among the mages of the Gallows.

At least there is a friendly face among the other Templars. He and Cullen have become closer, that unspoken understanding between them only deepening with time.

=====

One morning Cullen comes to see Fenris at the Templar barracks and espies the Book of Shartan upon Fenris's bunk. Hawke had given the book to Fenris, and he couldn't bear to leave it behind.

"I used to know a woman who loved the Canticle of Shartan," says Cullen, with an unexpectedly soft, faraway look in his eyes. "Her name was Surana. She read the copy in the tower library so frequently that the cover fell off."

He touches the tome on Fenris's bunk gingerly, as though this cover is about to fall off, or as if touching it would suddenly summon the woman herself. The book falls open to Fenris's marked page.

_"Take this, my Champion,_  
_And free our people forever."_  
_And the Prophet and the People_  
_Struck down the mages of the Legion_  
_And claimed the field together._

Fenris glances at the page and then back at Cullen, whose expression has turned sad. "What happened to her?"

Cullen's face shutters. "She left."

Fenris does not press him for more, and he thinks to himself that, with their broken hearts, he and Cullen are even more alike than they'd realized.

=====

When Hawke arrives at the Gallows and pulls Fenris aside, Hawke's stricken expression causes Fenris's heart to clench with fear.

"Garrett, what's wrong?" he asks.

"My mother's been taken..."

Fenris abandons his duties and goes with Hawke without hesitation, though he knows he should have spoken to Cullen or to someone, but Hawke needs him, and Fenris cannot say no to this.

=====

Fenris Silences Quentin and backs him against the wall with a Holy Smite. His blade was knocked out of his hands, so Fenris bashes his Templar shield against the maleficar's head over and over until Hawke kills Quentin with his daggers.

But it's too late. They cannot save Leandra.

He watches Hawke try to hold back tears, and Hawke's pain breaks his heart.

=====

He helps Hawke back to the estate and lingers, his concern for Hawke overshadowing all else. Hawke is devastated, and of course he is, for he's lost everyone now: Carver, Bethany, Leandra.

He lost Fenris too, realizes Fenris with a pang of guilt.

Fenris should leave. He needs to return to the Gallows. He doesn't have any right to comfort Hawke after he hurt Hawke and left. He shouldn't be here. He should go.

"Fenris?"

Hawke's voice halts him instantly, and he turns back to face Hawke.

"You're still here?"

"I thought you might need me," Fenris confesses.

Hawke opens his arms. "May I?" he asks permission, his voice breaking.

Fenris nods his consent, and Hawke moves to embrace him tightly, burying his face in Fenris's silver hair. Fenris closes his eyes and hugs Hawke back. He knows without a doubt that this is where he is meant to be, at least for tonight.

"Thank you," Hawke whispers into his hair.

Fenris stays with him all night.

=====

The Templars' punishments are barely a fraction as painful as Danarius's, and Fenris is put on probabtion for a few months. He would accept this gracefully, if not for the fact that he cannot see Hawke during this time.

And that is anguish, knowing that Hawke is in so much pain and feeling so alone.

Cullen berates Fenris for taking off without permission, but he promises to call on Hawke and offer his condolences.

Fenris wishes he had never left Hawke's side.

=====

His commanding officers ignore his ongoing probation when the Qunari attack Kirkwall, and Fenris goes with the other Templars to retake the city. His heart pounds in his chest as he worries about Hawke, because Hawke is somewhere in this chaos, trying to fight back.

Fenris refuses to consider the alternative.

When the Templars burst into the throne room with Knight-Commander Meredith at their head, they find Hawke, battered and bruised but otherwise alright, standing before the fallen Arishok with daggers in hand. Around the room Kirkwall's elite are cheering for Hawke, and to the side Sebastian is murmuring a prayer of thanks while Aveline yells angrily at Isabela.

Sheathing his blades, Hawke spits out a mouthful of blood and grins as Meredith steps forward and declares him Kirkwall's Champion.

Fenris heaves a sigh of relief, but his heart sinks. He must have made the right choice in leaving to become a Templar after all, for what noble Champion would want a broken former slave who wasn't there when he needed him?

Then Hawke spots Fenris among the Templars and runs over to him, heedless of the Knight-Commander, the nobles, or anyone else.

"Fenris, are you alright?" he cries. He starts to reach for Fenris but then stops himself, his arms hanging awkwardly in the air.

"I'm fine," says Fenris, and he takes Hawke's hands in his. They aren't touching, not really, separated by steel and leather gauntlets and by all the distance between them, but Fenris still squeezes Hawke's hands reassuringly.

"Thank the Maker!"

All eyes are on Hawke, the savior of the city, but the Champion only has eyes for Fenris.


End file.
